Superstardom, young men, race, and the NBA narratives we obsess over. — A few months back, I somehow fell into a therapy group for Black men. It was the kind of accident that made a big difference. After purchasing what I thought was a class on Tantra, I clicked the Zoom link for session one hoping to improve my sexual skill. I…

Is consuming male jealousy a universal emotion or is it just me? — I’m reading Carmen Maria Machado’s In The Dream House, a non-fiction-cum-fairytale about the author’s years in an abusive relationship. I’m also reading Mitchell S. Jackson’s Survival Math; it’s about the author’s young adulthood as a commitment-phobic lying womanizer and drug dealer who turned into a wistful novelist. These two books…

What happens to internet-famous misogynists when they die? — In 2012, I was looking for answers to why I’d had my heart broken. The easiest one was that she was wrong. I couldn’t stomach that I’d been emotionally closed off from her, abusive and possessive of her time. After she left me and went on about her business, I…

“Atlanta” 3rd season has me questioning whether I’m Black enough to hurt you with good art — In 1992, I used to start my walk to school on Ocean Avenue. Funmi and her little sister met a group of us from the neighboring building at the corner of Ocean and Farragut. Funmi’s dark skin and silky sideburns whisked me off the sidewalk into the air. …

The macho expectations eating Black men alive and how much the rabid crowd loves it — If you’ve been following Will Smith, you know that this year (and the past few) must’ve been as difficult and as rewarding for him as any. He is a natural spotlight hog and we, the people watching his work for thirty years, have loved him. But he’s never satisfied. Smith’s…

What Netflix’s “Worst Roommate Ever” and A&E’s “60 Days In” tell me about the desperation behind bland, ready-made fame — The Kanye West docuseries Jeen-Yuhs is the best explanation of the jilted megastar’s warped persona and is easily a film of the year. Although its less splashy vintage star is now more myth than icon, the Biggie documentary, I Got a Story to Tell, mines similar turf. In each, the…

The story of Deepti and Shake portrays how racial tensions play out in relationships but skirts an ugly truth — Reality Show (Fool’s) Gold: The Formula On the heels of Netflix’s “Love Is Blind” finale, I am torn. …

Rap music is a complex art form with many hidden messages and mantras — In Flatbush, Brooklyn, you had to live by a code. Usually, when people say that, it means you could end up hurt if you violate. But that’s extreme. I think of a code of ethics more like a failsafe when life goes left. I’m not sure whether I was middle…

And other lessons I learned from a Black Tantra feminist group — I was nine years old when I first heard the classic New York greeting “Suck my dick!” screamed into the air. My friend Devin was standing outside of the 1111 Ocean Avenue building steps where we left the babysitter to walk to school. He belted it while holding a nylon…