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Decolonizing Sexuality Means Taking My Penis Out of It
And other lessons I learned from a Black Tantra feminist group
I was nine years old when I first heard the classic New York greeting “Suck my dick!” screamed into the air. My friend Devin was standing outside of the 1111 Ocean Avenue building steps where we left the babysitter to walk to school. He belted it while holding a nylon lunch sack with a bright blue strap.
Our babysitter, Lynette, was a no-nonsense Guyanese woman whose gold tooth and glimmering smile only peeked out for our parents and the daily screening of Oprah. Otherwise, she tolerated no mess and would bend deeper in her already-hunched stance to tell us about behaviors we could “leave in the street.” She didn’t know Devin had screamed at a rival to suck his genitals.
I didn’t understand what it meant other than a major insult to whoever had to do the sucking. Later on, I met a feminist writer and by dating her started to learn what made the phrase offensive. She taught me that the penis is, by patriarchal measures, the ultimate weapon. It plunges men into insecure rage about its size, its presence, and its usefulness. And whether or not women like, love, appreciate or touch it makes it either cause for romance or a mortal threat. Men learn that it’s the only real tool to pleasure our partners…
